The Power of Affirmation: Speaking Life Into Being
Have you ever considered the incredible power of your words? In our Rogue Collective training series, we’ve been exploring the foundations of living a life built on love. We’ve discussed the importance of seeing others and knowing them deeply. Today, I want to focus on the third foundation: affirmation.
To affirm means “to state as fact, to assert strongly and publicly.” When we affirm others, we’re speaking truth into their lives. But here’s the challenge I’ve discovered – if we can’t affirm ourselves, how can we possibly affirm others effectively?
I’ve asked thousands of people this question: “Who’s the meanest person on earth to you?” The answer is almost always the same – “I am.” The voice in our head can be our harshest critic. The things we say to ourselves when we fail or fall short are often words we’d never speak to another human being.
If we’re going to become people who affirm others, we must start by affirming ourselves. Here are three key aspects of affirmation I’ve been reflecting on:
- What is fact? What’s actually true about you?
- What is faithful? Too often, I don’t affirm myself until something is perfect. What if instead, we celebrated progress?
- What is future? When we speak life over our future and the future of others, we create pathways toward that reality.
Our brains are wired with a negativity bias – negative comments stick like Velcro while positive ones slide off like Teflon. Research shows it takes about 10-15 seconds of ruminating on a positive word for it to actually imprint on our brains, while negative words cement almost instantly.
What if we approached every relationship knowing that each person is fighting a daily battle against negativity? What if we committed to being dealers of hope, speaking life where others speak death?
When we affirm others, we’re not just making them feel good momentarily. We’re actually participating in their creation story – helping them become who they were born to be. And isn’t that what we all want? To help others find freedom and purpose?
So this week, be intentional about your words.
Affirm what’s true.
Affirm what’s faithful.
Affirm what’s future.
In yourself and in others.
Summary:
Affirmation is more than just saying “nice things.” In this episode, Daron explores the deep power of affirmation as a foundation for building a life rooted in love. Starting with yourself—speaking truth about who you are, who you’re becoming, and the future you’re stepping into—sets the tone for how you’ll affirm and lead others. From biblical insight and neuroscience to real-life stories and coaching wisdom, this episode will challenge and equip you to become a voice of freedom and transformation in your relationships and leadership.
Key Takeaways:
⚡️ The words you speak shape your identity and others’ futures
⚡️ Self-affirmation must be rooted in truth, not perfection
⚡️ Speak to what’s faithful, not just what’s finished
⚡️ A 10-second affirmation can imprint identity in powerful ways
⚡️ Affirmation through words and actions brings lasting impact
Notable Quotes:
⚡️ “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” – Proverbs 18
⚡️ “What if you started affirming your faithfulness, not your perfection?”
⚡️ “Feelings are terrible leaders—truth should lead the way.”
⚡️ “If we don’t affirm ourselves, we’ll struggle to affirm others.”
⚡️ “One kind word can echo for a lifetime.” – Mother Teresa
Episode Resources:
Connect with Daron on Social Media:
Links to the Daron Earlewine Podcast
YouTube | Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Libsyn
TRANSCRIPT
But I have discovered, and maybe you have too, that when we actually give voice to negative thoughts and beliefs in our brains, something changes. There’s unbelievable creative and powerful strength in the spoken word and what we actually say about ourselves when we say about others. Welcome back to the Daron Earlewine podcast. Stoked to have you back again for another episode as we’re walking through this last element of the Rogue Collective training and development content. We’re talking about affirmation today as the third of the four foundations. I’m stoked about this episode, challenged by it really, and I hope that you experience the excitement, same challenges we go through.
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And so today we’re going to jump and talk about affirming and affirmation and what that means. And if you look at the word affirm, I love to look at definitions to understand what a word means, right? And to affirm is literally defined as this, to state as a fact, to assert strongly and publicly. So when we’re talking about, if we’re going to build a life on love, we have to be someone who is a person of affirmation. What we’re saying is we’re a person who states the facts, right? In an effort to build this life on this foundation, to build the life of love, right? We have to be, another way to say it is we have to be a truth speaker, right?
If we’re going to speak the facts, it means we’re speaking truth. And if you’ve studied or been mentored at all by Jesus, you know one of the powerful things He says, right, is that you will know the truth and that the truth will set you free. And freedom being one of the noble quests that we’re on, it’s imperative that we understand what is true about us, what is true about others, and not just as a concept, not just as something as we think or that we believe, but something that we actually begin to speak and it’s something that we actually begin to take action on, that we would be truth speakers. It would be people who live in love with truth.
And when we do that, what we’re gonna do, we’re not only going to set ourself free, but we’re also going to be someone who sets others free. I think if we got to the end of our life, we’d look back and somebody said, man, you know, what was being their son or daughter like? What was being their spouse like? What was their being one of somebody that worked for them was like? What was it being like being one of their friends? And if they said, you know what? In their life, they just led me into greater, greater freedom in my life. I think we’d take that. I know I wouldn’t, you know? And if we’re going to do that, we’re going to be someone who focuses on affirming people.
There’s power in our words, right? Power in our words. I love this quote by Marcus Aurelius. says this, if it’s not right, do not do it. If it’s not true, do not say it. And I think sometimes we don’t pay, I’ll just, I’ll self confess. I know I often don’t pay enough attention to the words that I speak. I talk a lot, kind of what I do for a living. And my brother is as polar opposite of me as possible. He is a, a 99% introvert. I’m a 99% extrovert.
And I remember talking to him one day and we were, was in college and we were hanging out and oftentimes we would be hanging out with people and I would say all the words and, and Damon, my brother would say very few words and there would be times people come up to me afterwards. They’d be like, I think your brother hates me. I feel like not at all. Right. I just talked to him about, think you’re a great person. We really loved hanging out with you last weekend or whatever. Well, he didn’t say anything. I just, cause he’s sitting there in the silence. I just, think he hates me.
So I remember sitting down with my brother and being like, Damon, listen, you got to talk more, right? I know you like people. have so many wise, great things to say, but like when you don’t talk people, you know, they get, they get antsy. They get distrusting question. And, and he said something to me that I’ll never forget. He said, Daron, whenever you’re hanging out with people, he’s like, do you ever, is there ever a pause in the conversation? Like, then it’s your turn to speak and do you ever get to that point and you just don’t have words?
And I was like, it sounded impossible. I was like, do you mean do I ever not have words? I’m like, no, like what I try to do is stop actually thinking about what I’m gonna say before I actually say it when they’re speaking because I’m always thinking about what the next word is. He goes, okay, cool. A lot of times I just don’t have words. There just aren’t words. Like the pause happens, time for me to speak and I got nothing. There’s just not words. And it was an epiphany for me to understand, wow, like, okay, I can understand, can see, can know my brother better and I can actually help him in this.
But for me, I’ve always had words and that can be a blessing, right? To have the gift of God, but it can also be a dangerous part where a lot of times there’s words and I’m saying they probably don’t need to be said. There’s words and I’m just saying to say words. And if you’re like that, either way in this, right, if you have somebody that has all the words, you have a responsibility to take responsibility for what you’re saying, go, am I actually putting out words of affirmation, words of life, words of love into the world?
And if maybe you’re more an introverted person, more like my brother, the reality is you do still have a responsibility and an opportunity, even though you may have less words, it might be easier for you to begin to choose them wisely because there’s less of them. But whatever the case is, we have to be people who affirm one another. And I don’t think this is, I don’t think this is as, I mean, we call it as popular as I think it needs to be in our culture.
I think, if we, if we’re someone who, who, who we start affirming our friends, and this may be just an, and, and dude culture, right? I know it is when, when you’re a high school, college student, right? If you’re a guy who always is like just saying nice things and affirming things to your friends, they’re gonna be like, dude, what’s the deal? What are you? weird. You know what I mean? Or if you, if you do that in an environment where, know, maybe you’re not the position person in a position of a power people, oh, well, you’re just a butt kisser. You know what I mean? Like you’re just brown nose and the boss. And you’re like, no, I was just actually trying to be affirming. I think it’s sad that in our culture to actually be someone who speaks affirmation to the lives of others, you’re going to be seen as kind of odd, which I think is unbelievably sad.
And if we look at this, we want to dig into it. We want to say, you know, I do want to be somebody who builds on love. want to build this foundation in my life. We have to look at this. As all of these foundations are interesting because they’re all a two-sided situation. The reality is this, is if I don’t know myself, right, or see myself, we talked about the first two foundations we’ve gone through is people need to be seen, they need to be known. But the reality is if I can’t see myself, right, I won’t see others. If I don’t see what is true about me, it’s going to be very difficult for me to see what is true about us. If I don’t know myself, right, as we’ve talked about already in the four core questions, if I don’t know my who, if I don’t know my why, if I don’t know my what, if I don’t know my where, it’s going to be very difficult for me to see and affirm these truths and others.
And as you get to this next step, right, we see people, we know them, then we have to affirm them. If I don’t know and I can’t affirm myself, I have little hope of actually affirming and encouraging others. As we just talked about in the last episode, I did that, I got to know myself, right, to lead myself, right? I’ve got to lead myself to be able to lead and know others. This is a cycle that starts with me and then it moves to we. And as we start this conversation, the question I want to ask is like, how often do you find yourself affirming yourself?
Like how often in your day do you tell yourself what’s true about yourself? And here’s my guess, and I get a chance to work with a lot of people and through the past, you know, 20 plus years, I’ve worked with thousands of people to help them discover who God created them to be. And every time I ask this question, and I probably ask it a couple of times on the podcast already in all these hundreds of episodes, right? Is this, is who’s the meanest person on earth to you?
The answers really quick pops into your head. I am, like I’m the meanest person to me on earth. The things that I think and that I say to myself when I fail, when I don’t come through, when I do that thing again that I’m trying not to do, when I’m not the person that I hope to become, it’s very, very. It’s very, very rare for me to offer myself a lot of compassion and to actually affirm what are the facts about me, to actually speak hope into my own life. And I don’t think that’s just me. I think that’s all of us.
And if we’re going to have any hope to be somebody who deals in hope, that deals in affirming, that deals in encouraging other people, it has to start with us. It has to be something that we naturally do to our self, so that we can step in and do that with the lives of others. And I think a lot of this, in being able to be self-affirming, to be able to speak the truth, to be able to speak facts about ourselves, it needs to go from something that is our thoughts to actually it’s what we say. There’s so much power in our tongue. I think sometimes when we have a thought, it’s just something that’s kind of bouncing around in our mind, and it has influence and has power, but I have discovered, and maybe you have too, that when we actually give voice to negative thoughts and beliefs in our brains, something changes.
There’s unbelievable creative and powerful strength in the spoken word and what we actually say about ourselves and we say about others. You for me, I believe that the biblical narrative that says that God spoke the world into creation, that there was so much power in what he spoke. And I don’t know how that works. I don’t understand, you know, a lot of science or quantum physics and all the things. I know what an atom is, but I can’t break all that down for you. But I do think it’s just amazing that I believe that we are all the result of the creativity of God and somehow because God created all that is, he had the ability to like think of the molecules and all of the things that needed to happen in his amazing creative spirit. He was able just to speak the things into being.
And think that’s true about us. We’ve talked about and understanding what’s true about you, we’ve already gone over this, the understanding that we are creating God’s image. We actually have the creative ability that shows His imprint on us. And so there’s amazing, amazing power in our words. What we say to ourself, what we say to others. The wisdom books, right? In Proverbs 18, it says this, death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat its fruit. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. It’s just true.
Like that old phrase that we used to say as kids, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me is a bold face lie. Like we should have been told as kids like sticks and stones will break your bones, which will heal in four to six weeks. Not that big of a deal. You might have a scar, but words can ruin and destroy your soul, and make marks on you that you may never recover from. That’s the honest truth, right? There’s death and life in the power of our tongue. Buddha said it this way, right? Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. So true. Mother Teresa says it like this, kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. And you, I know you’ve experienced this in your life.
And as I’ve gone through and done a lot of the rogue collective coaching, we talk about this and I ask you to go back and talk about maybe curses that have been spoken over them, words that have been spoken that were not true but landed. And there’s not a person that can’t go back to their childhood, whether it’s, you know, adolescence or it’s before that, we know when they were a toddler, all the way through college to adulthood, and they have these negative interactions where someone spoke a word over them that was not true of their essence of who they were created to be, but it has been something they’ve been fighting against or wrestling with for their whole life.
On the flip side of that, we can also go back to there are people in your life, you would say that person changed my life. And how did they change your life? They changed your life because of the words they spoke to you that were affirming that were facts. And that’s the kind of person we want to become. So there’s great power in the tongue. And last year I was at a conference and Jesse Itzler was one of the keynote speakers. I don’t know if you know Jesse, he’s an entrepreneur. I think he’s actually a billionaire now because he’s created and sold so many businesses. an author, he’s an also an ultra marathon competitor, which means he runs like these hundred mile races and these like last man standing races where I think you have to run like something like four miles, like four miles every hour on the hour. And it says whoever quits last wins.
I’m not a runner. I don’t really ever want to become a runner. And so hearing these stories blows my mind, but Chad was trying to do this first, I think 100 mile race. And he tells us stories that he’s an amazing storyteller. And he says he can’t get past the mile. Like, I can’t remember what it was, like 60 or something. And so he reaches out to this Navy SEAL coach, named Chad Wright. And Chad is this awesome dude. Google him. He’s a crazy looking dude, long, know, red beard, tattoos. mean, just absolute amazing American, you know, Navy SEAL. And Chad is a mental strength, like, coach.
So he says he comes to his house and he hangs out with them, talks to them about what they’re going to do. He says, you know, we’re going to go out and we’re going to run. And he was like, as we run, said, Jesse, I’m going to ask you how you’re doing as you’re running. And the only thing that you can respond to me, only thing you can say to me every time I ask you is I feel outstanding, Chad. So he’s like, all right, man, we’ll give it a shot.
So he goes out the next day and as they’re running, he’s getting to his, you know, up to his limit, know, ladies never run this far, his body’s aching, everything inside of him is saying, just quit, just quit, just quit. The pain is very real. But Chad talks about not giving pain a voice. And so he would ask him, Jesse, how you doing? Jesse would yell out, I feel outstanding, Chad. And he goes out the next day and he breaks his record. He talks about actually going out and finishing this hundred mile ultra marathon.
And the story is so inspirational. He may be out there on YouTube somewhere, you can find it, but he just talks about it as they get to mile 60, mile 70, mile 80, mile 90, everything inside of Jesse wanted to quit. But he says there was unbelievable power in him of speaking what needed to be true. I feel outstanding, Chad. And he crosses the finish line. There is so much power in our words.
And so as we look at this idea of self affirmation, that’s where I want to start. If we’re going to affirm others, we’ve got to be able to affirm ourselves. And as we look at this, here’s the three things I want you to think about in affirmation for yourself. The first one is this, what is a fact? If we’re going to affirm ourselves, we have to affirm what is true about us. Obviously, from a Christian perspective, for me, this goes to the core of saying, you know, every day do I start my day out, reminding myself and speaking to myself, I am loved. Today I lived loved.
I have nothing to prove to God. have nothing to do to please Him, right? I have nothing to do to protect from God because I am unconditionally loved as I am right now. That’s a fact. Now, my feelings may not be there. And I think that’s one of the biggest issues we have to get over in this idea of affirming people is whether we’re affirming ourselves or affirming others, a lot of times our feelings are telling us things that are not true.
And feelings are wonderful companions in life, but they’re terrible leaders. And so in your life, when you’re trying to affirm yourself, are you affirming yourself based on how you feel? Because if Jesse had done that, he would have quit probably around mile like 30. I’m sure he felt terrible. His emotions against feelings were like, this is terrible. But he was speaking out truth over his life. And so what is fact about you and how often do you tell yourself what’s true? In that, I think it’s key for us to also, the first question is what’s a fact? Okay, the second thing I would say when we are trying to affirm ourself is what is faithful? What is faithful?
Now, here’s one of the things I think is really difficult that I know I wrestle with in affirming myself is too often I don’t affirm myself until something’s perfect. And the question is, what if I began to affirm what is progressing? Like, what if I were to begin to affirm my faithfulness, not my perfection? And then this helps me as sports analogy here is this, is if I can think baseball stats, not basketball stats in this, it helps me. Let me break that down if you’re not familiar, okay? My boys all played baseball, two of them still do. And I often have to encourage them, right? That in baseball, if you succeed hitting 30% of the time you’re going to go to the Hall of Fame. 30%, which means 70% of your at bats are going to end in failure.
And so in your life, if the standard you’re holding yourself to is more basketball stats, so let’s just go with free throw percentage, right? You need to be an 80 to 85% free throw shooter, if not 90. Right? To even think about potential of Hall of Fame conversations. If you’re a 30% free throw shooter, you’re not making the team, you’re not getting in the game. Or when you go to the line, they’re going to talk about how terrible of a free throw shooter you are. But just look at the difference of that. If you hit 30% of the time in baseball Hall of Fame, if you hit 30% of the time, if you make a basket 30% of the time, you’re getting cut from the team.
And I think too often we’re holding ourselves to a standard that’s unrealistic as we’re becoming who we’re born to be. It’s step by step. what is faithful? What if it was to say, every day I’m going to find a way to affirm something that’s true about me. I’m going to find a way to actually affirm something that’s faithful. Meaning, you know what? I may have failed at the thing I’m trying to succeed at and grow in 70% of the time this week, but 30% of the time I succeeded. And guess what? I’m not going to quit.
So I’m going to speak affirmation over my faithfulness. The last thing I would say about this in ourself is what’s in the future is to actually speak the future into our life. Erwin McManus, one of my favorite authors and mentors, right, says this, that hope is always found in the future. And so if you’re trying to affirm, if you’re trying to bring hope into your life, you have to look into the future and speak about what is going to be true into your future. So here’s the bottom line.
If we’re ever going to be able to do this in the life of others, we have to do it in our own lives as well. And so you turn the page and you think about what this looks like in someone else’s life. Like how often as you’re with your friends, as you’re with your spouse, as you’re with your kids, as you speak to them, do you stop and say to yourself, okay, what is true about them today? What’s the facts? And am I speaking an affirmation of who they are, of who God sees them to be, of who they’re becoming? Do I speak facts to them or do I speak my feelings to them? Okay. Looking at the idea of what is faithful.
When I speak to my children, I speak to my spouse, when I speak to my coworkers, I speak to the people that I lead, when I’m in life and in relationship with people, do I speak to what is faithful about them? And we have to be careful on this. this is, I’ve given this parenting tip before, I’ll give it again. And I would even say with anybody that you’re leading, anybody that you’re in a relationship with is oftentimes when someone does something less than desirable in our life, we tend to, sometimes unintentionally, think sometimes intentionally, we use identity shaping words as we speak against them. So let’s say that your kid told a lie. It’s easy as our feelings get the best of us and we’re disappointed and we’re scared, oh, is my kid gonna be a low care, what’s happened? We can say, you’re a liar. We have to be very careful of that because when we’re using phrases like you are, right? Or even I am.
We’re speaking to our identity, which is not a fact, right? Because if I lie, right? Well, I have told a lie, but I’m not a liar because the fact about me is I’m a dearly loved child of God. Your kids, right, or people you work with, they’re also dearly loved children of God. So for you to say you are something that is a negative connotation that connects to a behavior actually begins to deconstruct their ability to become what they were born to be. So you can say you lied, right? But now let me actually affirm what is faithful.
Can I affirm what’s faithful about the people around me? The next one is this, can I affirm what’s in the future? This is so huge. And when we can actually begin to see people and know people and then affirm what we see in their future, we cannot overestimate the life that we actually begin to breathe into someone’s soul. And here’s the reason this is so true. We’ve talked about it before, but all of this whole process we’re operating with what we call factory defect, if you will, and that our brains are set up with what researchers call a negativity bias, meaning that your brain all day, every day is searching for the negative and it holds onto negative like Velcro. Whereas the more positive things, the more positive comments, the more positive memories, they slide off of our memory like Teflon.
And there’s actually what they call like a 15 second rule in this idea of neuroscience where the truth about this, if we don’t ruminate, if we don’t actually take time to soak in a positive memory, positive image, a positive word spoken to us for somewhere between 10 and 15 seconds, it will not imprint upon our brain. Think about that. But you can hear something in two seconds that’s negative and it will cement into your psyche, it will Velcro to your brain. It’ll be very hard to take out of it. And so every single person that we’re trying to live around, every person that we’re trying to love, knowing that every single day they are in our life and death fight against a negativity biased in their head.
And just think the difference we could make if we came into every relationship and said, here’s what I know. I know they’re fighting what feels like a losing battle against negativity. And here’s what I can do. I can show up as a dealer of hope and affirmation and encouragement. There’s also a study that talks about that it’s about a five to one ratio, about five to one that takes about five positive affirmations to overcome one negative. So this little call to action, what if this week you just tried to make sure that when you’re interacting at work, you’re interacting at home, you’re interacting at play, that for every difficult or negative things you might say that you follow it up or you make sure that it goes five to one negative to positive, not only could it change your life, it changed the life of the people around.
I’ve also given this challenge up before is this 10 to 15 second affirmation. So often when we affirm someone, it might take one or two seconds, hey, great job, appreciate it, thanks for being on time today. Hey, thanks for getting your room clean, thanks. And we think that, hey, we’re an encouraging person. The reality is like I talked about is that that didn’t last about 10 seconds of a conversation. It did not imprint on your kid’s life. It didn’t imprint on your coworker’s life, didn’t imprint on your spouse’s life, but what if you took time and go back, what’s true about them, right? What’s faithful about them? What’s in the future about them? And I want to affirm them. And you took 10 to 15 seconds to affirm what was true about them, right? Who they are, why they do what they do, what they do better.
Right? Where they’re finding their passion. You’re talking about what’s true about them. Not the behaviors, but what in their essence is true. And every time you affirm someone, took 10 to 15 seconds to do. Here’s what would happen. You would begin to transform the lives of the people around you. You just would. And I think that’s what we’re after. We’re talking about building on these foundations. What do I want my life to be built on? I think we want it to be built on these foundations. I want to see people, I want to know them, and I want to affirm them. Okay? Quick little bonus here. As we’re landing the plane.
I also want to take a look at the reality that affirmation is so important in words, but there’s also actions of affirmation. And I love Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Loving, which is if you haven’t read it, go check it out. And in that, Gary gives us some great handles for how we can actually begin to affirm with action. Here are the five loving language. They are words of affirmation, which bottom line we’ve been talking about right now, right? They’re also acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and giving gifts.
So I want you to take a look at those five, do a little inventory on those and ask yourself, which one of these is the easiest for me to do? Which one is one the places that it’s a growth area for me? Because there’s great power in our words, but there’s also great power in our actions. For someone to say, you know what, this person is serving me. There’s a value and a worth and an affirmation that they’re giving me, that they’re actually serving something that’s important to me. Giving people quality time.
Right? I’m affirming who you are. I’m affirming what I see in you because I’m actually giving you the gift of my time. All of these love languages are so key to take a look at of how do I not just speak words of affirmation, but actually live with actions of affirmation. Right? That’s our next, that was our next foundation, foundation number three. And so what are your thoughts on this?
Right? Is this super easy for you to do? Is this a challenge for you to do? I’d love to have a conversation through this process. And if you’re interested in all, at possibly getting in what we call a band, to join a band to be coached in the Rogue Collective, I want you to reach out to me. All you gotta do is go to roguecollectivecoaching.com. There’s a link there, schedule a discovery call. We can jump on a 30 minute call, talk about your situation, talk about where you are and talk about helping you be in a band where we can actually help you develop and become who you were born to be.
Love it. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the Daron Earlewine Podcast. Would love to hear from you. You can always email me, daron@daronearlewine.com. And I would love to be a part of helping you take your next step to becoming who were born to be. And until we talk again, remember God is for you. He is not against you. He is near you, not far away. And He’s created you on purpose and for a purpose. We’ll talk to you next time right here on the Daron Earlewine Podcast.